The Origin of the TyeDye Labcoat: A Saga
by V-Babe
Summary: The story of how my science teacher got his tye-dye labcoat. A crazy nonsensical parody of Black Hawk Down, Lord of the Rings, The Beatles, and others.


The Origin of the Tye-Dye Labcoat: A Saga  
  
By V-babe (and her crazy friends)  
  
Note: Once upon a time, when V-babe and her friends were very bored in their Advanced Physical Science class, they wrote a round robin story about our teachers tye-dye labcoat and how it came into being. This is the result of their intense labor. Just warn you, there are a LOT of inside jokes here, so if you don't get something, don't sweat it. Also, most of the jokes involve the following: my obsession with Orlando Bloom, Lord of the Rings, Yellow Submarine, the Beatles and their songs, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Black Hawk Down (the book), and 10 Things I Hate About You. One last quick thing, the reason we add a half to the Beatles is because Ringo is fat, and counts for 1 and a half people. ^_^  
Once upon a time, in a faraway happy place where science doesn't exist, there was an Advanced Physical Science teacher. However, the teacher had nothing to teach because science didn't exist. So the very sad teacher just sat around and did nothing.  
  
One day while he was sitting doing nothing, he noticed all the beautifully colored cellophane flowers towering over his head. But of course, the Blue Meanies were trying to kill the flowers, so he threw himself in front of the Blue Meanies.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!" he cried, "Not the cellophane flowers. Anything but the cellophane flowers!"  
  
The disturbing sight of the disgruntled and discombobulated science teacher scared the Blue Meanies so much that they ran away. Then the Advanced Physical Science teacher leaned against a tangerine tree and sighed. He looked down at his plain white labcoat and said, "Boy, my labcoat sure is plain. I really should spruce it up."  
  
And then, a magical bunny came a long with Ringo in tow, eating Twinkies.  
  
The magical bunny said, " Here, take this precious vial of tye-dye. Only do now use it for the user will become a crazy, pyromaniac teacher, burning paper cups in front of horrified students. So you must take this vial to the crack of Mt. Pepperland and toss it in"  
  
So the science teacher said, "I will take this vial to Mt. Pepperland, though I do not know the way."  
  
Then Ringo piped up, "I will help you bear this burden, little science teacher."  
  
This caused John Lennon and the rest of the Fab 4 & A Half to magically appear.  
  
"If by my life or death I may protect you, I will. You have my guitar." John said.  
  
"You have my weird Middle Eastern instument." George Harrison volunteerd solemnly.  
  
"And my voice!" Paul McCartney chimed in.  
  
The magical bunny turned to the 5 (and a half) and said, "You will be the Fellowship of the Tye-Dye."  
  
*cue dramatic music*  
  
So they started on their long jouney, making good progress, when suddenly John Lennon tripped and fell down a hill, while staring up at the cellophane flowers. "We have a John Lennon down. I repeat, we have a John Lennon down."  
  
Unfortunately, on the way down, he was castrated by the strings on his own guitar. "It *@%&ing cut my $*%& off!" he cried. Then they continued on their journey, randomly shooting Somali warriors on their way.  
  
The fellowship was continuing on their way toward the cracks of Mt. Pepperland, when a hideous monster popped out of the grass.  
  
"Oh no!" yelled Sir Harrison and promptly threw one of his minstrels at the monster.  
  
"Mmmm.. Crunchy.." Said the monster and began to chase them. But then, all of a sudden, the writer had a horrible writer's cramp so they were saved. They arrived at a large chasm where a rickety bridge ran across.  
  
The Advanced Physical Science Teacher said to the rest of the fellowship, "Let's stop here for the night."  
  
So they set up camp and went to sleep for the night. That is, they all went to sleep except for the science teacher. The vial of tye-dye was beginning to corrupt the poor APS teacher. He lovingly stroked the little glass vial. "So bright, so pretty, so colorful.. My precious..My coat would be ever so much prettier if it were tye-dyed.."  
  
But before the science teacher could do anything, the sun rose and out of nowhere, Heath Ledger appeared, singing "You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you.." And then 3 teenage girls (AN: that would be myself and my 2 friends) proceeded to drool everywhere and enthusiastically say, "AAAAWWWWWW..." and promptly swooned.  
  
"Who are they?" asked Ringo through a mouth full of Twinkies.  
  
"I think they're the writers." John said, quickly proving that he was the leader of the fellowship. "That one is easy." (AN: That's easy is a sexual way.. Long story), he said as he pointed to the shortest one of the 3 girls.  
  
They stepped over the bodies of the passed out girls and moved on toward the towering precipices. Suddenly, Ringo leaped only the rock and shaded his fair eyes with his hands.  
  
"Crab-cakes from Dunland!" he yelled.  
  
"Ummm.. Ringo??? Are you hungry or something?" asked John quizzically.  
  
"No really! That;s what they are!" Ringo said as he pointed to the sky.  
  
"Those a Crabain from Dunland, you dumb fatty." John said, rolling his eyes.  
  
Seeing the rising threat in the sky, the fellowship immeadiatly ran towards the bridge and safety. But the crebain were rapidly approaching. So George leveled his RPG and fired. The crebain all blew up in a cloud of smoke and fire.  
  
"Nice shot!" yelled John. "You really gave it to those %*#@ Skinnies!"  
  
But all the blood from the crebain got on George. Out of nowhere came a helicopter and the para-jumpers leaped out of it. One of the PJ's promptly began to rip George's pants off. "No, really, I'm alright," protested George. But the PJ wouldn't listen, so, pants flapping in the wind, George joined up with the rest of the fellowship.  
  
The rest of the fellowship were under heavy fire from the Somalis that magically appeared. They fellowship made a mad dash across the bridge and into the cave on the other side, yelling, "%@@@@@@@$# THIS!!!!"  
  
Phew, they had finally made it to safety. Then for no apparent reason, Orlando Bloom appeared. George, of course, couldn't resist him, and began to hit on and hang all over poor Orlando.  
  
As Orlando worked on peeling George off of himself, he told Ringo, "Hey you fatty! You stole my role! I'm supposed to see Crebain!"  
  
Ringo began to cry. "Sorry," he said apologetically.  
  
Meanwhile, the crazy science teacher was wondering why the writers were ignoring him so much since the story WAS about him, after all.  
  
"Ok," said the writers in a conference during APS "This story is getting long. Let's summarize"  
  
So here goes nothing: Crazy teacher get hit by RPG. Cries and pees his pants as medics cut them off. "Sorry about the couch he says. They go to Rivendell Retirement Homes, make him all better, blah, blah blah. This was all BEFORE the story began. Then we fast forward to the previous paragraph. They have not yet entered the Mines of Morsels where Ringo looks for chocolate chip cookies and tips into the Shadow. Then the 10th Mountain Division crew comes with tanks and blow everything up as they run using cars for cover. Turns out that John Lennon is secretly the king of Pepperland, but alas, due to previous injury to assets (AN: Ha ha. "injury to assets" get it?), he can have to heir to the throne. He and all the Beatles separate from the crazy science teacher, who decides to continue alone. An here, after a lot of monster chasings, soldier slayings, bleeding arteries, Somali warriors, crashed helicopters, ripped pants, and all around bad monkey stuff, we see the end of our story.  
  
The APS teacher crawled, bleeding and weak to the cracks of Mt. Pepperland, but just as he is about to toss the vial of tye-dye in, he succumbs to his weakness for loud and obnoxious colors and claims it as his own. Then, out of nowhere, Orlando appears to bite off the science teachers finger, but is too prissy and can't stand the sight of blood. So the APS teacher dumps the tey-dye on his once drab labcoat. The whole of Middle Pepperland trembles, and all the horrified students turn their eyes away from the blinding sight of the new APS teacher of Middle Pepperland, who went throughout the land, burning Gatorade cups.  
  
THE END  
  
AN: Crazy, huh? Well, if you're dying to know what some of the jokes are about, just put it in your review and I'll answer them. 


End file.
